The End of Blame: Chapter 19

He sat up in bed and choking back his own vomit, he heard his own voice, "Momma.  No."


It was seconds before Blair was sitting up next to him, and carefully rested her hands on his shoulders.  "Todd?"


"I'm going to be sick, Blair."


She scrambled, in the dark, and fetched the wastepaper basket, but before making it back to him, he bounded past her to the bathroom.  He heaved and the burden in his gut came forward.  She threw the trash pail down, and went to his side.  She said, "Easy.  Breathe."


He threw himself onto the cold, tile floor and leaned against the shower door.  Breathing heavily, he said, "God.  Blair, sorry.  It's . . . bad."


He's awake, he knows where we are.  That's something.  She sat next to him.  Aloud, she said, "I know."  He lowered his head to her shoulder.


She heard him sigh.  "I didn't help her."


"You were a little boy.  Let's not start this again."


"I could talk, I could have called for help."


"You were what, six?  Could you imagine or expect someone Sam's age to do something?"


"Sam's a sweet little boy.  He's different."


"He's not.  You were a sweet little boy, too."


"I just stood there.  I froze.  I saw."


"I know," she said, her heart bursting with sadness, "I know.  I'm sorry for that little boy.  He didn't have a long childhood at all.  It was taken from him, very early."


"I guess that's why I don't remember all that much about being a kid," he said, and let go of her hand.  "Water, please?  I need some."


She got up retrieved a glass from the bar in the other room, and got him some bottled water from the wetbar.  He began to drink it, and she cautioned, "Slowly, my love."  She found her way back next to him again, and they interlocked their fingers once again.  He downed most of the glass and placed it next to them on the floor.


He said, "I've been thinking about something, ever since I remembered this."


"Maybe you shouldn't think about anything more now."


"I can't stop it, Blair.  It just comes."


"All right, then go ahead.  What were you thinking about?"


"I was thinking what would have stopped Peter Manning from doing what he did to me before I was fourteen?"


She played with his hand, "I thought the same thing.  I just didn't want to ask you."


"I try and think back, sometimes," he squinted his eyes, then opened them, and darted back to the toilet.  He heaved up the water he had just consumed and she went behind him, waiting, her hands circling his back.  When he finished, she pulled him back against her and he rested on his back between her legs, his head in her lap.  She took a fresh washcloth from door handle of the shower stall, and turned on the cold water in the shower, wetting it.  She placed it delicately along his brow.  He looked up at her, "That feels good."


"That's the whole point."


"I'm scared, Blair.  Scared to live in the dark about my life, and scared to know."


"I would be, too."


His eyes brimmed with sudden tears, "I wish I had my baby son right now," his voice cracked.  "Right here," he pointed to the place where Little Ray usually rested.


She choked up as well, "I know, me too."  She waited a few minutes, "I know you're determined to stay here for that McBain case, but we should go, Todd.  John can handle all of this.  We should go to our children and back home to Unforgettable."


He didn't answer.  He just closed his eyes.  "Bitsy.  She was the sweetest woman."  Blair kept stroking his forehead with the cloth as he spoke.  "She loved me.  She and I did everything together."


"You're avoiding my comment, aren't you?"


"Kind of.  I'm thinking, though.  Believe me."


"I think we should go.  I think we should get back home and get you help.  You need Ray Martino, Todd."


"I know, but at the same time, Blair, a few more days won't hurt us.  We might be able to get all the answers to Hesser's plans, from day one."


"I'm not going to fight you on this, but I've said what I think, and I believe it.  I believe it in my heart.  You need to let go of Hesser and try and put your life and your family back together for good."


"How can I do that without the whole truth?  Just two more days, I promise."


She could tell he wanted to do this partnership with McBain and wanted to be part of the final ending to Carlo's story.   And as much as she wanted him out of it and home, she would support him, no matter what.  If he wanted to stay, they would stay.  "Whatever you want, Todd."


"I want to finish this, this thing with Carlo.  Once and for all."  His voice changed, his face tightened, his fists balled up at his sides.  She knew they would be staying, at least until it was resolved.  She just hoped he could get through his nightmares and flashbacks, without too much problem.  Once again, she feared for him and his sanity.


"Maybe you should go back.  To Llanview.  School starts soon.  The boys should be home."


"I can't leave you.  I won't."


"Maybe you should go back to Athens, then, at least, and be with the boys?"  he said.


She thought a moment.  "No.  You're going through too much right now."


"I'll have John bunk with me, if you're that worried.  I mean, I'll be okay, I'll make it through."

"Maybe I should go and get the boys and bring them here.  Then we can leave from Mylos to go home.  We can get them their own suite so they won't be with you at night.  Sister Rebecca Katherine could watch them.  I know Viki has to go home soon, she has something coming up at The Banner and the cruise would have returned home days ago."


'We can try that, sure."


"All right then, it's settled.  I'll go help Sister Rebecca Katherine bring the boys, we'll get them a room, I'll pick them up at the airport and bring them here.  Meanwhile, you'll be doing whatever it is McBain wants done tomorrow."


***


The next morning, Blair said goodbye to Todd as he and John made another trip to Pollonia to see Thaddeus.  "Don't worry about us.  By the time you get back, we'll be here hanging out by the ocean."  she said.


"All right," he said, 'Take care of my sons and my precious cargo, you," he said, kissing her.


"Oh I will.  You take care of you."


He left her and went to the lobby to meet up with McBain.  John said, "Hey, you don't look so well."


Todd relayed what was happening with Blair and the boys, and his interrupted sleep.  John said, "Maybe you can get some medication to help you sleep."


"Does sleep medication stop nightmares?" he asked.


"I don't know.  Worth a call to Ray to find out."


"Good point.  I'll call him when we get back this evening.  Now, what's the plan?"


"The plan is to get everything we can from Thaddeus about the records of an anonymous person who brought a little boy to the orphanage in the year that Zeus was born."


"1971?"


"Yeah, that should do it.  If there's a match, then we'll keep going to find out if that was the baby that grew up to be Zeus."  John said.


"If we hit paydirt, we should call the guy.  It's only right."


"Yep."


They went off, in the car that Todd summoned, to go back to Cepov tou Paidiou.  The car ride was quiet, John used his cell to update a few things in Llanview.  Todd watched the sights out of the window.  After hanging up his last call, John said, "You didn't sleep at all?"


"A little.  I woke throwing up."


"Dreams?  They can make you sick?"


"If you have my type they can.  Blair took care of me.  I wonder how long before she gets tired of it?"


"I don't think you have to worry much about that development.  She's not leaving you.  She would have long before now."


"She should."


"There's no shoulds where love is concerned," John said, fingering the picture of Natalie and Liam on his cell phone screen,


"Well, maybe not, but if she does, I'm finished.  I can't make it without her.  She keeps me....grounded."


John knew that in no uncertain terms, Todd was right.  After a period of quiet, he said, "Wanna talk about the dreams?"


"No, it's better I don't right now."


"If you change your mind, let me know.  I'm a dream therapist on the side."


Todd looked at the man sideways, and smirked.  "Right.  In your spare time."


As they rounded the corner to the orphanage, Todd could see Thaddeus standing outside.  He appeared upset.  John got out first and said, "What's the problem, Mr. Andracus?"


"Thaddeus, please.  She's gone.  Orinia, she has run."


Todd looked at John, and the latter said, "When did you notice this?"


"About an hour ago.  She was here at breakfast.  Then, poof.  She has run away."


John said, "After this, you may want to consider a hospital for her.  It's too dangerous with her taking off.  At the same time, don't worry, we will find her."


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