The Fourth Life: Chapter 21

Todd and Blair returned to Unforgettable the following afternoon.  They both seemed refreshed and, Jack noticed, there was a new sort of bond emerging between them.  He couldn't quite place it, but the closeness seemed to have increased, if that were possible.  He wondered, in a fantastic way, if soon, they might just merge into one person.  They were finishing each other's sentences, more than usual; more knowing glances were exchanged; he seemed to need her even more.


They were both in the kitchen, moving about, making the evening meal.  One would basically finish the other's task, or hand the other something that was needed, without words being exchanged.  Jack said, "You two are weird."


Both of them stopped and looked at him.  Blair said, "How so?"


"You're like....connected."


Todd said, "I suppose we are, it's been long enough."


None of their children had seen them this way; fully in sync and partners in crime.  It was a new phase to even Starr, who walked in on the conversation and gave them a look.  "Must have been a nice overnight," she chided.


Todd looked at Blair, and she stopped and caught his eye.  He reached up and touched the hair along her face and she took his hand and held it.  She said, "It was nice.  We were able to reconnect.  It was needed."


Starr said, "What is going on with you two?  I don't think I remember you ever being like this."



He said, "We were, pretty much, before you were born.  And before you were made."


She smiled, "I love seeing you two happy.  Gives me hope that things may change for the better for everyone, if it can for you after all the terrible things that have happened."


Blair turned back to the counter and continued to cut vegetables for dinner, and he, putting his hand out behind him, waited as she put the salt and pepper into his hand, and said, "Things can always change for the better."


That moment, Todd received a call and took it, sliding his phone open, and raising it to his ear, munching a carrot.  "Yeah, John, hey.  Yeah.  What's that mean?  Not enough?  Well, if we testify...I'll die first.  I'll die first and see him in hell before I let him get off scott free."  He clicked off, and kicked the trash can, "Damn it!"


The trash can spilled onto the floor, as Sam trounced in, seeing the tail end of Todd's reaction.  Todd, fuming, said, "Jack pick that up."


Jack, stunned, since his father had barely ever asked him to do anything around the house, just stared.  


Todd yelled at the top of his lungs, "Pick that up now!  What do you think this is, your free ride?"


Jack moved to do as asked, but was still in denial of his father's demeanor, which made him move slow and deliberate.  All the while, Jack's eyes were fixed on Todd's face.  "Okay, Dad, no problem."


"And move faster when I tell you!"


Sam burst out in tears, and said, "Mom?"


Todd snapped, "Stop snivelling!"  


Blair dropped the knife she was using the pare vegetables, and said, softly, "Todd?  What are you doing?"


He caught himself, immediately, and said, "Sam, I'm...I'm sorry.  I...Jack?"  His voice broke.


Jack said, "Don't worry about it Dad, it's no problem.  I ought to do more around here."


Sam sniffled and hugged Blair's legs.  She said, "Todd," and reached out to him, but he threw her off and stormed out. 


Starr said, "My God, what did they do to him?"


Sam ended up in Jack's arms, while Blair, attempting not to show her alarm, went upstairs and followed her husband.  Before going she said, "You don't want to know...the animals."


The kids watched her climb the stairs.  Sam blurted out, "I'm scared, Jack, don't let Mom go upstairs alone."


Starr looked at Jack, and then said, "Sam, you mustn't be upset or worried about Dad.  He won't hurt Mommy."


"He was so mad, Starr.  Why is he like that?"


Jack said, "Someone hurt him very bad, Sam.  Very bad.  And he's still trying to get over it.  He's still very mad about it.  Remember when I broke your Spiderman web machine?"


"Yeah, I remember that.  I was mad at you."


"You were.  And then, you stomped on my foot, remember?"


"Yeah.  You howled like a little girl,"  Sam said.


Jack laughed, "I did.  But you were mad at me for a long time, remember?"


"Yeah.  I didn't talk to you for a whole day.  And then, I wouldn't play with you for the whole next day and the next."


"Right.  It took you time to get over it, remember that?"


"Yeah.  How long is it going to take him to get over it?"



Starr said, "We don't know."


Sam said, "I feel sorry for Dad."


She said, "We do too, Sam."


"Whatever happened to him must have been really bad for him to get mad like that, right Jack?"


"Yes.  But you can't be afraid, Sam, he's not going to hurt us.  He won't.  He won't hurt Mom.  Let me tell you a secret."


"I love secrets!  I'm big now, I can keep them really good."


"Well, a bad man wanted to hurt Mommy and Little Ray."


Sam's eyes became wide.  Starr mouthed, "Be careful."


Jack went on, "He wanted to hurt Mom and Little Ray, and guess what Dad did?"


"He punched him out?"


"Better than that.  He gave up himself so that they would be safe.  The man wanted Mom to go with him and Mom said no.  Dad went instead so the man wouldn't hurt Mom."


Sam thought about it.  "Is the man coming back?"


"No, Sam,"  Starr assured, "the man is not coming back, he's dead now.  He died."


"Dad's a hero.  I want to hug him, Jack, he might need a hug."


"Maybe in a few minutes buddy.  Why don't you help me finish dinner?"


"Okay!"


Upstairs, Blair leaned against the door frame, watching him pack.  "I'm leaving you.  I don't want to do this anymore.  I don't want to be around you and your snivelling little kid, and Jack and his drinking.  I don't want to do it anymore."


She said nothing, she just watched.  


He went on, "I don't want to...I don't want you anymore Blair."


"All right," she said.


"I don't want you in my life, I don't want those kids around me."


"Okay."  She didn't flinch, move or emote.


"I don't want this house, or any part of this family.  I'm telling you, I want to go.  I don't...."


"Yes?"


"I don't....I can't..."


She stepped two steps closer, and stood right behind him.  He was frantically grabbing things, left and right, and throwing them into the suitcase.  He said, "Get away from me, Blair.  I don't want you, didn't you hear me?"  he kept packing.  She watched him, taking items and putting them in, in bunches, and pushing them down with both hands.  "Get away from me," he stopped, and stood still, without looking at her.  "Please."


She was close enough to feel the warmth coming off his body.  He had broken into a sweat, and she could see his hands trembling.  She stood her ground right behind him, and as he gathered more items from the pile on the bed where he had emptied his drawers, she put her two hands gently on his shoulders.  


Feeling her touch, he completely broke, and wouldn't turn to her.  She pushed herself up against his back, and slid her arms around him.  "I know," she said, "I know why you're leaving.  But you don't want to.  You've put those things into that bag and taken them out three times."


He turned, sitting on the bed, his head lowered.  She walked closer, and pulled his head to her breasts, and lost her fingers in his hair, saying, "You don't want to leave us."


He found the strength to pull himself together enough to look up at her.  She almost had to look away, his pain was so great.  His beautiful hazel eyes were sparkling with the moisture of sadness.  "Do you want me to?"


"No, Todd."


"I'm scared, Blair.  I'm scared of myself.  I think I'm...."


"You're not.  You're hurt, you're angry, you're damaged but you're not crazy.  And you're not a danger.  I'm not afraid of you.  Jack isn't either.  Neither is Starr.  Sam's just a little boy, he doesn't know better.  We all understand, Todd."


"I want a divorce, Blair," he spit out at her.


She said, "You do?"  She took his chin and moved his face to look at hers again.


"No," he cried, "God no.  I just don't know what else to do.  I am afraid that I might be turning into....I am scared that..."


"You're turning into Peter?"


He nodded.  


"No, you're not."  She had been finishing his sentences all day.  "Todd, what was the call about?"


"John.  He said they think Carlo's going to get away with it.  His lawyer filed an injunction saying that all charges should be dropped, that there is not enough evidence to hold him.  I can't do it, Blair.  He'll come after this family."


She was concerned, but her focus was Todd at that moment.  "Then you can't leave us, Todd.  We'll be alone.  How will we fight him off?"


"He wants me, let him come after me."


"He wants you, he'll use us.  The people you love."


"What if I hurt you?  What if I hurt them?  You're carrying a baby.  Sam's so sensitive.  What if I hurt them, abuse them, like Peter did to me?"


"It's not in you, Todd.  These are your children.  You love them.  You're going to have setbacks, remember?  Ray warned you.  Please don't leave us, we love you."


Sam appeared at the door, "Jack said I could come and hug you, Dad.  You need a hug."  He jumped up onto Todd's lap and squeezed him around the neck.  Then he said, "Dad, why are you packing?  Are you going somewhere?"


"I dont know, Sam," he said, sniffling.


"Timmy's Dad left them, and he was sad.  Are you going to leave us, Dad?"  Little Sam's eyes filled up with tears.  "Don't you love us anymore?"


He took Sam and held him closer, "Yes, I love you.  I always will love you, no matter what."


"Okay.  Will you play with me later?"


"Yes, I will play with you later, Sam.  I'm sorry for saying you were snivelling."


"What's snivelling?"


"It's like crying and whining."


"I was snivelling, Dad, so don't be sorry."  He jumped down, "I'll see you later and I'll beat you in Spiderman XBox."  He ran from the room, and Todd went back to Blair's arms.  


"That's it now, no more talk of leaving us.  It's not good for Sam, or anyone else for that matter.  No more, Todd.  You have a setback, you have a setback.  You have an outburst, you apologize, and explain it to the kids, heck, you can buy  them something or play it off as something else, but you don't break up this family.  Not now, not ever.  We can't live without you Todd, especially me," she broke.


He petted her hair and shushed her, and said, "God, I love you.  I'm sorry for everything I said, about not loving you anymore."


"I didn't believe you anyway."


"I figured."


He held her and could feel her heartbeat against his chest.  "You were afraid."

"That you were leaving me?  Yes.  I was scared you were really going  to go."  She smiled, "That dinner downstairs is not done and you know I'm not the best cook."  Both laughed a little through tears, and then embraced.  He closed his eyes, and held her as tightly as he could, trying to force down the emotion that was still pouring forth. 


Blair said, "You can't really imagine leaving them, can you?"


"No, I can't."


"Let's go to Ray tomorrow, together.  He can help us contain this until you are well."


"Okay."


"Want me to clean this up, you can get dinner?"


"Sure," he kissed the top of her head.  "I just want this all over, Blair."


"Me, too," she said, "and it will be, soon."


When he left her alone, she leaned over, feeling as if she might blackout from the pain in her heart and mind.  Doubled over on the bed, she sobbed into his clothing, taking in the smell of him, and letting go of all the fears and sadness she had tried not to show during his breakdown just a few minutes before.  She cried and said, "Damn you, Carlo Hesser," and after crying a bit more, she tried to get it together, to put his clothing back, when she saw Jack watching her.


"Mom.  Be straight with me.  I'm not stupid."


"Jack, what is it?"  She said, running her hand through her hair, and fixing her clothes.


"Tell me the truth, Mom.  Dad's not going to get better, is he?"


"Of course he is, Jack.  It's going to take more time.  He's been through....he's been through a lot."  She was faltering.  She didn't want her son to see her fall apart, not then.  It was enough.


"Mom, I'm smart.  I know what this is about.  Shaun heard you, the both of you, Halloween night.  He didn't tell me everything, he wouldn't."


She was nervous, not sure what her son was going to say next.  She looked at him, trying with every bit of her soul to remain stolid.  "All right."


"He didn't have to say much.  The main goal of these men was to get information from Dad, at least at first.  Then it was revenge.  They used his childhood memories against him."


She knew right then that her son knew the truth.  Without anyone telling him.  Jack had deducted it all, on his own.


He went on, "If they used those memories to control him, they knew what came next.  The sick guy who had him, he did it.  He acted exactly like Peter Manning.   He abused Dad, for real, like Peter, right Mom?  Tell me!"


She broke down and shook her head vehemently, "Yes, yes he did," she cried, and put her face into her hand.  Jack, not sure he was happy knowing the truth now that he did, awkwardly took his mother in his arms and held her.


Downstairs, Starr and her father were making dinner, putting the finishing touches on it, after it was stopped in its tracks by the earlier outburst.  Sam was there, helping to set the table.  Then he said, "Dad, can I go outside for a little while and find some frogs?"


"Sure, just don't go too far, Sam."


"I won't.  But before I go, I am going to get Shaun to help me."


"All right," he said.  When he exited, she hugged her father and said, "Dad, you're a very good father."


"Oh yeah, I scared the pants off the little guy just now."


"That's not what I mean.  You can't help all that.  Inside here," she touched his chest, "You are an awesome Dad."


Todd was much calmer, as he and Starr got the rest of the meal put together.  They laughed a little and talked about the day.  He finally said, "I'm sorry, Shorty, if I scared you earlier."


"You didn't.  Well, maybe a little, but I was scared for you, not me."


He touched her cheek, "Brave girl.  Just like your mom."


"You too, Dad.  You're very brave."  She smiled, and then quizzically looked into his eyes.  "Dad?"


"Yeah, Shorty?"


"What did those men do to you to make you so hurt and so angry?"


He breathed out a long sigh and steadied himself with his hand.  "You don't really want me to answer that, Starr."


"I do.  I want to understand you.  I'm a grown woman now, not a baby.  I have my ideas, but I don't like how I'm thinking."


"What do you think happened to me, Starr?"


"Something terrible."


"That pretty much describes it."


She stared at him, and he could see she was waiting for his help.  "He re-enacted my childhood.  He added a few parts, like the cutting and the starving me.  But he re-enacted it, pretty accurately."


Starr, who's mind was working at filling in the blanks, whimpered slightly, "No, Dad."


She fell into his arms at the same moment he said, "It's okay.  I will be all right, Starr."


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