The Fourth Life: Chapter 35

"Are you sleeping?"  Todd said, softly, turning on his side toward her and touching her hair, feather-lightly.


"No.  Are you?"


"How can I be sleeping if I just asked you?"


"All right, no."  She turned on her side to face him, not as quickly and fluidly, and propped herself on her elbow, as he was.  They found each others' faces in the dark.  She said, "What is it, Todd?"


He touched her hair again, using his index finger, just along her face.  "I'm a little nervous, to have to relive it.  Again.  I mean I relive it a lot, in my mind.  But to have to talk about it to all those people, and then, you know reporters are going to publish it.  It will be common knowledge to everyone in town.  'Todd Manning let someone do that to him.  Big, tough rapist and ex-convict finally got his.'"


She moved a little closer.  "Why do you care what people know or think?  You never did before?"


"Because now I have children.  They look at me, I don't know Blair, they see me as I've never been seen."


"That's not true.  You were seen the exact same way by CJ and Sarah, Jessica, even Marty, at least for a bit.  Probably Sarah Newlon.  Rebecca Lewis, for certain, after everything was said and done.  Eli, that little boy with AIDS.  Me.  Always."


"It's not the same.  They watch me, every day.  They learn how to live from us."


She had never quite thought about it that way, in those words, but they were powerful.  "It's amazing, isn't it?  That you and I, two total losers, would put things together and make this life."


"It's not amazing, it's beautiful."


"It is, isn't it?"  She agreed, putting her arm through his free one and sliding closer.  She whispered, "It will be okay."


He said, "I worry about the kids.  What they'll think.  It will hurt them."


"Two things.  One is, Starr and Jack know, Sam's too young to really understand it.  Little Ray will just belch."


"I know about Starr, can't say I knew about Jack."


"Well, he knows, he told me.  I didn't answer him, I just cried.  And he held me, Todd, like a grown man would."


"That's my boy.  Somewhere in there, he's totally badass."


"And that's my point, Todd.  Jack's suspected that since Halloween, and knew about it for weeks.  It never changed how he saw you."


Todd had to agree with her; he had no idea Jack even thought about what he'd recently discovered happened to him, never mind knew.    "You said there were two things."


"Yes.  The second is we can ask John for a protection order against the press and limiting the audience at the trial."


"I thought of that.  Can you imagine Sam being at school, and some redneck kid saying, 'Your father got raped,' when he loses a checkers game?"


She was in admiration of him.  She compared his facial expressions and acceptance of his life and past to a few months back and couldn't believe he was the same man.  At times, he had seemed like a shadow of himself, haunted to the point of near insanity.  And now, here he was, talking through it as if it were a simple fact of life.  "We can't protect them from everything."  She added.


He said, "Maybe the DA won't ask about that part, if no one brings it up.  I don't think it's in my statement, I didn't even really  tell anyone then."


She thought about it, "That's true.  But then we have another dilemma.  All this adds to Carlo's charges.  It makes him a bigger demon, in the eyes of everyone."


"And, it could make the jury say, 'this guy just got his comeuppance, his karma.'"


He was right.  It wasn't worth all that.  "Then, tell John not to say anything to the DA about it?"


"I can try," he said, turning onto his back, and she knew just what to do, moving onto his chest and letting his arm fall around her, protectively.  "I'm afraid what living through it again, and saying it again, in that room with him there, could...make me unwell again."


"Unwell.  I've never heard you say that."


"That's what I was.  The obsession was taking me over.  I guess it's Ray-talk."


"You always have Ray, Todd, if you need him.  You're much better now.  I was so scared, for you."


"I know, Babe, and here we are."  He put his hand on the side of her head.  He lowered his chin to look at her, in the dark. He felt Sommer move inside her, against his hip.  "You're pretty badass yourself, Mommy.  You stayed with it, when I wasn't able to get through a night without jerking awake in some nightmare or terror thing.  Talked me down from the edge, from destroying us.  And, you carry around that big ass belly."


She playfully hit him, "Hey, you put that big ass belly there."


He smiled, and she could see the traces of it in the blackness.  "I did, I know how it got there, and I'd do it again."


"Then why don't you?"  she said, running her hand gently over the front of his pajama bottoms.


 ***


Days passed.  The trial was just about to get underway, and all the necessary pieces were beginning to fit.  John McBain had placed a gag order, via the DA, on the proceedings, and to their surprise, he hadn't even mentioned the specifics of the assaults to anyone.  Todd had beefed up security at home, and Sam's school, as well as Jack's.  No one went anywhere without Shaun or Devon.  Police protection had been provided to The Mannings and Zeus, as well as Tea and her daughters, Patrick, Marty, Timothy and Sister Rebecca Katherine, who insisted, "The Lord is my protector, Lieutenant."  John knew all too well the lengths Carlo Hesser could go to when trying to accomplish one of his missions.


Kathleen Finn had been given parole, a week prior, and was living in a halfway house in town.  She had the ability to roam free, at least for a few hours during the day, to search for work.  Finding a job after her conviction was not going to be easy, and she couldn't leave the halfway house until three months had passed and she attained employment.  


Mac was also ready, having visited Kathleen almost every visiting day, and now in the halfway house, he was prepared to do whatever he could to protect her and assure a good life for her.  With Carlo's promise of a home, out of the country, and enough money to sustain them, he was certain that the choice he was making was the right one.  He did everything Carlo asked, to the last detail, and now, just had to wait.


Timothy was working hard to continue the reign of The Sun.  Having been put mostly in charge of operations on a daily basis, he had helped raised the circulation two percentage points since Christmas, and was keeping it a well-oiled machine while Todd dealt with his recovery and his family.  Timothy and Sister Rebecca Katherine were part of all family activities now, as if they had somehow brought Todd into the world, even though it was too fantastic and even a bit zany to believe.  Timothy seemed to be working through his losses, with the help of Little Sam, who was really now his "best buddy," aside from Todd.  Shaun would often feign jealousy.


The night before the trial date, Todd and Blair cooked on the grill for the family, and a small cookout was held.  Everyone came, bringing covered dishes of food, and placed them on the tables he had set up in the back.  It was strange for some of them to see Todd, with an apron on, standing over the fire barbecuing dinner, but he never ceased to amaze most of them.  Starr, Jack and Sam set up lawn games and Jack did pull the hose out and get Starr at least once.  Jessica and Devon came, with the children in tow, and Hope, Sam and Bree headed out to the playscape for some fun.  It was mid-March, but seemed more like May, balmy and sunny.  Viki, John and Natalie, the Brodericks, of course, and Shaun and Vivian all filled the tables with their chatter and various plates of offerings. 


Todd, still doing the grilling, said, "I read that there's an art to this."


Blair said, "Maybe.  But I can attest to your other various talents," she said, smirking and walking off.


"The Mannings and the word 'cookout.'  Seems a little Twilight Zonish, even for me," Todd said to Viki.  


"Just a bit," she agreed.  "Todd, how are you, really?"


"Fine, Sis, everything is going to work out, after Sir Baldie is put away."


"You joke like this when you're scared, Todd.  I know you.  Are you really all right?"


"Yeah, I'm fine.  Look at my house, my kids, Blair.  What else could I want?"


"That's not what I mean and you know it."


"We'll be okay."


"You've gotten quite close to that nun, she's acting as if she's your mother."


"Guess she is, in a way.  I know you're just jealous."  


She said, laughing, "Oh, Todd," and shook her head.  Then she reached out and touched his face, her eyes suddenly clouded.


"Don't worry about me, Sis.  I'm pulling through."


"I do worry.  You're my brother," and she got on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.


The afternoon and evening proved to be a typical family outing for an atypical family.  As it got darker, so did the mood.  Guests began to slowly trickle away.  Starr took Hope over to Jessica's for a big cousin's sleepover, and Jack and Sam pestered Shaun to go with him to the penthouse for the night.  John, Natalie, the nun and Timothy lingered last.  John said, "Let's not let tomorrow ruin this.  It was a nice day."


Todd said, "Yeah.  Why let the end of the world ruin it?"  Blair elbowed him sharply.  "No, sorry, John, that was just my attempt at lightening things up.  Thank you for all you've done to protect my family."


As the guests said their goodbyes, Todd realized that this could be his last night of peace with Blair and his kids for a long time to come.  There was no telling what would happen in court, and he knew the outcome for all of them was as fickle as a thirteen year old.  Sister Rebecca Katherine and Timothy helped the kids clean up, as Todd and Blair went out front to say goodbyes.  As John and Natalie drove off, he came up behind Blair and put his arms around her growing waist.  "Tomorrow," he sighed.


She didn't turn.  She just stared after their car, and said, "Are you scared?"


"Are you?"


"I asked you first."


"Yeah, I'm scared."


"Me, too.  We have to see him again.  I don't know how that will feel for me, let alone you."


"I can do it.  I have reason to."  He moved his head toward her neck, and kissed lightly.


"Let's go in, it's getting chilly," she said, with goosebumps on her arms.


Back inside, Jack and Sister Rebecca Katherine were at it again.  They could hear her say, "Now, keep your right up to protect your face, boy, you don't want that pretty mug of yours getting clobbered.  That's the way!"


Todd looked at Blair and rolled his eyes.  "See what kind of family you have?"


"Me?  It's your family, too."


Timothy approached them, "Are the two of you all right?  I suspect tomorrow is casting a bit of a shadow on things, eh?"


"A bit," Todd agreed.


"It will soon be over, and the devil himself will have been put to rest,"  he said, and Todd recognized the look in his eyes.  It was pure revenge and hatred.  


Todd had never let Timothy know what he knew about his past with Hesser and the loss of his family.  "The devil himself.  Possibly.  Or something worse."  The two were bonded without ever having uttered why.  Sister Rebecca Katherine came into the room, and sat.  She had become very quiet.  Blair was putting the last of the leftovers away, and then headed into the sitting room with the rest of them.


"It's been a difficult year for us all," the sister began, "especially you, Todd, and your family.  I hope Timothy's right about it.   That there's an end in sight."


Todd read her instantly, "You're not sure.  You've got a bad feeling about this, don't you."


She did not answer.  Timothy said, "Creena, one of your seeings?"


Todd watched her expression carefully.  She said, "It's nothing, brother."  He was surprised to see that Sister Rebecca Katherine, the patron saint of boxing, was lying.     


Todd said, "No.  Tell us.  Maybe we can do something about it."


"You can't." Then she stumbled, "There's nothing to tell, dear,"  she said.  Her demeanor was too sullen to create anything but fear in all of them.


"Is it like the day before Johnny?"  Timothy implored her.


"Timothy, stop it!  I'll not talk this way in front of Todd and Blair on the night before the trial.  I won't have my silly imaginings bothering anyone, ay?" she snapped.  This was all the confirmation Todd needed.


He stood up and said, "We're not going.  Forget this vendetta thing.  Let Carlo get off, we're not going to the courthouse. Screw this."


Timothy said, "We must go!  We must save others from enduring his wrath.  He will gather strength again and create another regime.  Then, how will we fight him.  We can't let him get away with it!"


Blair softly said, "We'll never be free of him if we don't go, Todd.  We'll never be free."


He looked at her, and for a moment, his heart broke, the large belly in front of her, starting to push through her clothing announcing itself, her long hair tied up in a sloppy bun from cooking, and her face, that beautiful, comforting face, twisted with fear and also knowing of what must be done.  He said, "All right, Babe," and went to her, hugging her to his hip, and then sitting beside her.


Sister Rebecca Katherine, he noticed, swallowed, and looked away.  Timothy said, "Then it's settled, we face this demon head on.  We need to take this archfiend off the face of tha earth!"


Todd could see that there was no turning back for Timothy.  The man had waited his whole life for this revenge.  He hoped he would never be that embittered again or have reason.


"Jiminy Cricket, we should get going, we have a big day tomorrow, and I'm sure Todd and Blair want to spend tonight alone, together."  Sister Rebecca Katherine said.  "They finally have this big house to themselves."


"Except for that police guard over there," Todd pointed.


"Well, as I said, time for us to go.  I'll call the driver."  The nun said.


"Oh, I'll call him for you," Blair said, excusing herself.  "I have to use the bathroom all the time anyway."


Todd, waiting for Blair to leave, looked at the nun, and said, "Is it going to be bad?"


She hesitated.  "God never gives us what we can't handle, Todd.  You're living proof of that."


He paused.  "Will I lose her?"


She sighed.  "I don't know, Lad.  No one does.  God only knows such things."


He looked up at her as she stood.  He said, "Can you...pray for us?"


She smiled, and patted his head, as if he were a small child, "I do, my son, every day."  She headed to the foyer to gather her things and her coat.  


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