The Fourth Life: Chapter 29 (adult)

When Todd got home, Blair was frantic in the kitchen, pacing and holding her phone to her ear.  He said, "What's the matter?  Blair, what's going on."


"Your phone is off, Todd, damn it!"


"Hey, easy, it's always off when I am in session, you know that.  I just forgot to turn it back on.  I stopped by The Sun, made sure the evening edition went to print."


"Someone called here today, freaked out Sam.  He's off crying with Shaun somewhere.  It was a man, Todd.  He told Sam that if he were not careful, he'd kidnap him and skin him alive."


Todd's forehead moved back and he gritted his teeth.  "Where is he, Blair?"


"They're in the gazebo.  Todd, what are you going to do?"


"Reassure my son, Blair.  What do you think?"  He went out the back doors, onto the patio, and headed for the gazebo.  When he approached, he saw Little Sam, crying over Shaun's shoulder.  The man held the little boy and was telling him it would be all right, when he caught Todd's eye.  


"Sam, your Dad is here."


"Dad!" he cried, and ran to Todd, who picked him up.  The boy sobbed onto his shoulder.  "I'm scared."


"You don't have to be scared," Todd said.  Shaun sat and watched them.  "It's okay.  I'm here, and no one is going to hurt you.  You want to tell me about it?"


Sam said, "He was a really mean man, Dad.  He sounded like Nag from Rikki Tikki Tavvi, when he was mad.  He said he..."  Sam shook, "He said he would skin me, Dad.  Is he going come and take my skin off?"


Todd closed his eyes, and his throat closed.  "No, Sam, he's not."  Shaun would never forget the look on Todd's face after hearing Sam say those words.  "Shhh, it's okay now, buddy." 


Shaun, watching, was amazed at the dance between the two.  Todd had known Sam only a year or so, and the way they loved each other was more than he'd ever seen between the boy and Zeus.  He said, "Your Dad will protect you, Sam.  So will I."


Todd made brief eye contact with Shaun.  Then he put Sam down, and said, "You okay?"


"I guess so."


"Go in then, see your Mom.  She wants to hug you."


"Okay, Dad."  Sam didn't run, he walked away, and looked back at Todd, who waved to him.  Before Shaun realized what was happening, Todd grabbed a potted plant and smashed it onto the floor.  He was breathing heavily, rubbed his nose on his sleeve, and sat down, hanging his head.


After a few moments, Shaun said, "Got another one?"


"Wait your turn," he said.


"Todd, you gotta get it together.  Not do something stupid.  Something stupid could cost you that little boy and the rest of your family."


"What's stupid about cutting that man's throat?"


"Nothing, in a different world.  In ours, you go to jail, even if the muthafucker deserved it."


Todd looked at Shaun.  He was never sure about the guy's loyalty, until recently, when he had seen him with the boys.  Jack listened to Shaun, and Sam idolized him.  He was starting to see why; the guy was not that bad.  He loved the kids, and though he had originally had allegiance to Tea and Zeus, he could see that the children were number one with him.  "I love that kid," Todd broke up.  He lowered his head again.  Shaun gave him space, by remaining quiet and waiting it out.


Finally, Todd said, "That fuck has to die, Shaun."


Shaun realized just then that Carlo Hesser was the magic hand that had cast the die of Todd being with Michael Leona for eight years, and then again, a few months back.  Shaun remembered, at least once a day, Todd's admission on the rooftop to Blair, Halloween night.  The larger man wiped his mouth, and said, "Listen.  You're my boss, you don't have to hear what I have to say, but I have to say it.  You've been through things I never thought a man could take.  I look at you, I see a strong man, a hero to his kids, and someone who proves that love can heal.  You don't put that aside for anyone.  That makes you weak.  Keeping this family whole, that takes strength.  Keeping that woman in love with you the way she is, you think that's easy?  She'd die for you."


"I'd die for her.  I almost have."


"Badass."


Todd, snickered out of the left side of his mouth.  "Thank you for what you've done for my children, Shaun.  They wouldn't have had much of a father without you being here."


"Maybe," he said, "But now they have you."


Todd watched Shaun as he ambled off, leaving him in the gazebo, alone.  He sat, looking off into the distance.  Images went through his mind:  I was a monster, and I just wanted to say, that I'm sorry...What does that make you?  The monster's whore?...What is the worst thing I could have done to her?  I wanted to, but I didn't...my father raped me...I am afraid of my feelings, I'm afraid that...Blair won't love me...he raped me, Blair.  He burned me, he cut me and he raped me....


"Todd?" she said.  He looked up at her, and all she saw was intense torment.  All he saw was light.  She moved immediately to him, and let him bury his face against her, the roundness of their child against his cheek.  She rubbed her hands into his hair and said, "I'm sorry I doubted you."


"I've always given you reasons."


"No, not always, Todd."


He sighed against her.  She smelled like flowers and caramel, and he wanted to breathe it always.  "I don't deserve this..."


"No.  Stop.  You've more than made up for anything you think makes you deserving of Carlo Hesser."


"Sam.  He's so innocent.  He definitely doesn't deserve it.  Someone has to."


"Well, it's not you."


"Blair, I want to kill him.  I want to cut him open, I want to watch him die," he sucked in breath so hard, she heard it, "I want him to scream, and agonize, and beg for his life.  I want him to...I want..."  He pushed away from her.


She said, softly, "You want him to feel everything you did.  But you can't do that, Todd.  You can't do that to someone else."


"I want to.  I dream of it, you know that.  It hasn't stopped, Blair, I lied.  I dream it all the time.  It's every night, Blair.  I want it to stop.  The only thing that has made it stop, ever, has been you, Blair.  Your voice, or holding you, touching you.  It's the only way.  You make it all quiet."


Her eyes watered.  She pulled him to her, again, and said nothing.


"I need something.  I need..."


"Shhh.  I'm here.  Hold on to me.  As long as you need to."


***


Patrick rounded the desk at St. Anne's again.  The nun there, since time had passed, now recognized him by sight.  "Mr. Thornhart.  Ms. Saybrooke is in the family area, waiting.  She's come to expect you, every week now."


He signed in.  "I will be here every week, that is what I promised her."


"Well it's nice to see you keeping to your promise.  Not too many of the visitors have that benefit here."


He walked the hall to the family area, and she was there, playing the piano.  He recognized the theme, from back when he first met her, in Ireland.  She had written the music, to put to one of his poems.  His eyes teared, and she stopped, seeing him approach.  The notes died off and she ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck.  "Patrick," she said, and he kissed her, lightly.  After their lips met, their eyes did, and instead of pulling back and sitting down, as usual, they stopped, faces still close, and he moved in to kiss her deeply, his tongue searching her mouth, and hers responding.  


"Ahem," they heard a voice.  Sister Rebecca Katherine was standing in the room.  "Dears."


Patrick said, "I'm sorry, Sister.  I can't be near this stunning woman without faltering.  I promise twill not happen again."


"All right then, you may continue your visit," and she walked off, shutting the door behind her.


Patrick said, "Margaret, how are ya?"


"I'm great.  I feel, so good.  I'm so happy you're here."


"I am, too.  I wait for these visits all week long.  Do ya think they'd let ya have me come by more often?"


"We can ask.  It wouldn't hurt."


"How is your therapy going?  Are you feeling better?"


"It's going.  I've been in therapy for two years, Patrick.  The doctors say that I've not shown as much growth until you came.  These last few months, I've made more progress than ever."


"Good, I'm so glad Angel.  Soon, you'll be able to leave here.  And I'll be waiting for ya, when ya do."


***


Later that evening, Todd and Blair had turned in early.  She was nestled in his arm, and he had wrapped his other arm around her and held now her hand while sleeping.  The house was quiet, it was three in the morning, when she noticed he was out of bed.  In the dark, she looked up to see him, frantic, going through his drawers.  Not finding it, he went to the closet, and started pushing her things onto the floor, opening boxes and checking shoes.  He seemed wild with determination and disquiet, and was becoming more out of control.  She silently got up, got the knife from her hiding place, and stood behind him.


"Here," she said.  "Here it is.  Hold it, if you want to.  Hold it, take it, kill someone with it.  If that is what you want to do, then do it,"  she extended her hand, held it out in front of her protruding belly, the blade gleaming in the moonlight.  


He stopped short, and then, looking around him, he turned to her.  His eyes were haunted, and he brought his hands down, his perfect body glistening with sweat, his hands in fists on either sides of his hips.  He fought it, looking down, stagnant in his own desolation.  She got up, walked to him, and traced a line from his chest to his lower abdomen, and stopping there, rested her hand on his tight stomach.  She took his hand and placed it on her middle.  He felt the movement from Sunburst, and finally made eye contact with her.  


She said, "We're here, both of us.  Loving you."  He looked away from her eyes, and she removed her hands from his torso, and took his face in both of them.  "We're here.  You have to let go, Todd."


"I can't.  I try, and I can't."


"You can.  It's not easy, I know.  But you can."


"I still feel it."


She felt panic in her throat, rising, and not far behind was nausea.  "Tell me."


"I still feel it all.  Like it's now."


"It's all right to feel, Todd.  You have to let yourself, or it won't go away."


"It feels real, the pain, it comes back, the shame, the disgust.  I don't know how to get away from it.  I'm scared of it.  It rushes toward me, and I can't escape."


"Maybe you can't," she said, "But try.  When it comes, tell me.  Don't hold back and hide it from me.  Let me help you."  She asked him, then ventured, "Feel this."  She took both her hands and rubbed them over his arms, starting at his shoulders, kneading them with care.  "And this," she said, lowering her head to kiss along his neck.  Her kisses covered his shoulders, and his scars.  He closed his eyes, and she noticed his head tipping back.  She kissed under his neck, his collarbone and his ears.  She took one of them in her mouth, and lightly nipped it.  


He focused his eyes on hers, for the first time that evening.  "It's just you and me, Blair."


"Yes, Todd, it is."


He smirked slightly, "Do that thing again when you kiss under here," he pointed to his chin.  She obliged.  Without warning, he placed his hand under her hair at the nape of her neck, and kissed her, hungry, closing his eyes and moving over her with need.  His hands seemed to be everywhere at once, and she did the same.  Finally, he pushed her back onto the faux fur area rug, and his kisses became more urgent.  She stopped, trying to catch her breath, and said, "Love me."


He went back at her, kissing her mouth, licking her jaw, her neck, and running his lips over her collarbone and chest.  He fumbled with her pajama top, and opening it, buried his head inside, between her breasts at first, as he drew a line in the center of them with his tongue, and put his hands over both of them.  Smoothing them with his hands, and drawing his thumbs up over her nipples, he felt her breath quicken.  "I love how you want me, " he said, taking her panties down with both of his hands.


"I do, I always have."


"How much?"  he asked her, touching her and feeling her smooth wetness.


"More than anything."


"This much?"  He said, sliding inside her.


"Yes," she whispered .  "Yes, Todd."


The rest was a flurry of him: talking love to her, stopping still and staring into her eyes, confessing his need for her, and propelling himself into her, gently at first, and then with harder, stronger jabs.  While she moaned his name, opened herself fully to him, and moved her legs so that he could move into her the deepest he could, while running her fingers up and down his back.  She felt a slight queasiness when she accidentally brushed the scar she'd seen created, but closed her eyes and ignored it, as his movements brought her to her peak and she cried out in pleasure.  As she climaxed, she pulled him closer to her, with all her might, and felt him twitch, and then spill into her.  His breathing was elevated and raspy, and he put his head over her shoulder, and cradled her head, as he turned them over, still inside her.  She lay on top of him, and he traced his fingers gently over her shoulder blades to the small of her back, and around in small, easy circles.  


She said, "Did you feel that?" looking into his eyes.  


He nodded.  He was worn and languid, and close to drifting off.


"Listen.  This is everything, Todd.  You and me.  If you take Carlo's life, you lose all of this.  You lose me.  We won't be able to touch each other anymore.  You will be alone, in that cell, feeling the pain, and the shame and the nothingness, forever."


"I love you, Blair."  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down on top of him again, and she moved herself so that he slid loose of her.  Within a few minutes, she felt him fall into sleep-breathing, and she touched his lips with her hand.  Quietly, as not to wake him, she said, "My beautiful man, I'm so sorry for you," and lay her head on his chest and cried.


*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Your comments are 'payment' for the work of the authors. Our writers like to hear your feedback. Please leave a comment when you read.